Being Perfect is Exhausting

For how long have women tortured themselves over ‘having it all’? Is it the working gal or the at-home mom that lives the dream? I’ll tell you who it is. It’s the one that doesn’t overthink it, that’s who.

Sitting here in the epicenter of parenthood, with a teen and an 9-year-old, I struggle like everyone else. Over the years, I’ve been both working mom and at-home mom. There really is no difference.

Are they eating healthy? Are they eating enough? Did they eat at all? Is the house clean? Why can’t it stay clean? Are my kids clean? Am I spending enough time with my kids? My spouse? My family? My friends? I’m supposed to be doing things for myself too. Have I done that? Are you kidding me … the laundry basket is full again!?

When I put thought to it, my head spins and I always fall short. Turns out the only judge that matters is ourselves. Our kids don’t even notice. When we start to care and compare, we always fail. What I’ve learned through watching girlfriends is that what matters to one, may not matter to another. So how can we possibly determine who is happiest? How can we measure who does it best?

No one is keeping a scorecard. There’s no “She had it all” awards ceremony (Can you just picture the tiaras?). No “super mom” blue ribbon to post on our door.  So why give it any thought at all?

I operate on a 51% rule. As long as I get it right more than I get it wrong, I’m doing ok. It’s taken me years to ease up on myself. I can admit I was caught up in thinking my house had to be perfect, meals had to be perfect, kids had to look perfect. Perfection is hard work, and I missed a lot of fun trying to achieve it.

I recently caught myself apologizing to my kids for the scrambled eggs I had prepared for dinner. It was one of those weeks and without time to shop, that’s all I could muster up in ten minutes or less. They looked at me like I’d lost my head. Eggs for dinner was a fail in my mind only. In fact, if I hadn’t pointed it out, no one would have noticed breakfast was on the table at 6:00pm.

When I started to ask around, friends confessed to last minute grilled cheese, pancakes, crackers, canned soup, and an array of other quick options. Cheese stick and fish crackers anyone? I wasn’t alone. My visual of everyone else with perfectly set tables, filled with healthy offerings and home cooked delicacies, seven days a week, was not even close to reality.

I’ve had friends own-up to unwashed floors, a full week’s worth of take out, and missed school milestones (glad I wasn’t the only one that forgot pajama day). When life gets hectic, every family starts to slip somewhere. In my house, my closet is a pretty good indication of things going amuck. Even my neat-freak husband gave up on my piles of clothes, so who’s left to worry?

The trick to having it all, is having all of what is important to you. If leaving the beds unmade and the floors a bit dirty means you have more time to take your kids to the park … who cares? I know I’d rather watch them play then wait for the dryer to spit out those 12 solo socks.

I’ve also made peace with a few slack meals a week, so that we’re at least eating together. Better that I’m sharing a sandwich with my gang, than racing to the store for salmon and organic quinoa.

I may not have all of what’s important to you. But I have all of what’s important to me. If you can relate, tell me about it. Find me on Facebook or comment below.