MIV unsolicited advice: Friendship
First, my golden rule – don’t trust anyone that doesn’t like food. I don’t care if it’s vegan, gluten-free, fine dining or Taco Bell. For me, it’s the idea that you enjoy food for the flavour and the experience, not the sustenance. My best conversations are set around a plate of something – and paired with a bottle of something else. Make that bottle a cab, and fill that plate with an Arby’s beef and cheddar, and we have the start of a beautiful friendship. #curlyfries too please.
Rule number two – stay away from people who don’t already have friends. Seriously, If not one other person on earth is willing to trust them – how can you? I know, harsh, but I’ve learned through experience, so you’ll just have to trust me on this one.
Third– be open to all kinds of friendships. Young, old, straight, gay, male, female. Embrace all kinds of people. Each will bring something different to you, including many opportunities to learn about yourself. And please, have relationships with people of different races and religions. The world would have less a-holes if we all just tried to understand one another.
Four –not everyone is a BFF. They say friends can grace our lives for a reason, a season, or a lifetime – enjoy them all. And, if the reason or season is over, think about them fondly and move on. The concept of besties is bestie left to the kids. Instead, focus on those dearest to you. And remember, your dearest may come at any time in your life – keep your heart open.
Five – enjoy chameleon friendships. Every friendship has its own nuance, and each will bring out a different side of you. It doesn’t mean that you’re not being authentic –it just highlights how many layers you have to your personality. This is a good thing. I have my deep thought friends, #Bravo friends, fearless friends, potty mouth friends, political friends, co-conspirator friends, and so much more. I love them all and I love the person I am with each of them. I just keep the potty mouth gals away from the others.
Six – know the difference between superficial and real friendships. Whether its social media or socialites – understand that some friendships are not meant to be deep, meaningful or even relevant. Treat them like the stranger at the grocery check-out. Smile and let them brighten or ruin your moment – then forget about them. Your time is just better spent on your real pals.
Number Seven– trust your first instinct. If it feels ‘off’, it probably is. If you need to change who you are, if you have to spend your time working on winning their affection – move along. Every time I’ve ignored that inner voice I’ve lived to regret it. Seriously. Have you ever been accused of ‘fake breast feeding’? I have. I’ll describe that story in detail if I ever tackle the subject of sociopaths.
Finally – be around people who think you’re great. It’s really not too much to ask. Stick with people who see who you really are, always look happy to see you, celebrate your wins and buy the wine when you fail.
My inside voice has learned a lot over the years – but I’m admittedly still a work in progress. I’m happy to report that at 50, I’m still adding to my tribe and suspect I always will be. (Especially younger friends – I’m thinking I’ll need them to sneak wine into the nursing home).
If I’ve missed anything about friendships feel free to comment! But if you disagree – note that all of my friends share one thing – loyalty – and the potty mouth gals are vicious.